too many thoughts.

Yesterday was kindov okay. I felt twice as sick as the day before so I just layed in bed and watched some movies. I had to work last night, which wasn't really fun when you're ill. People are so goddamn rude. Learn some fucking manners. >=( When I got out of work there was a group of loud drunk people sitting outside of starbucks. I was listening in on their conversation, which primarily consisted of alcohol, birth control, and sex. Idk, whatever floats their boat I guess. Also, there was a couple arguing hella loud in the parking lot. Some girl was screaming at her boyfriend and it seemed like they had just broken up right there. This girl was like in hysterics though, I could hear her from so far. From what I heard, it sounded like he cheated on her. I just wanted to give her a big hug and tell her everything was gonna be ok, just give it like a month, tons of good food, and good company and you'll get over it.

I finished reading the book Candy today. It's really bittersweet, and I guess kindof a wake up call. I never want my life to go in that direction, EVER. Even if it was with someone I loved. That's way to much.

So it actually did snow in Tracy. My brother woke me up at 6 a.m. and I went outside to see little snowflakes falling from the sky. I've never seen snow before, so it was pretty cool. Even though I was to sick to really enjoy it.

All I want for Christmas is the Freaks and Geeks DVD, which I'll probably end up buying myself anyways. James Franco <3

I registered for Mountain House Delta the other day. I'll be picking my classes tomorrow. Semi-exciting, I just want to be back in school really. This random semester off was fun and all, but I'm so ready to hit the books and study and learn again. Having a school routine doesn't sound to bad either.

I was thinking about Luis's party the other day and how something happened that made me cry, and I realized that what I've been lacking a lot lately is compassion. I remember when I was younger I had a huge heart, like I would seriously cry for other people's grief. And I remember specifically thinking how embarrassing it was how emotional I got about these kind of things and just put up this wall where I didn't feel what other people felt anymore. And that wall was finally broken down at Luis's house the other night. I don't know, I think I just kind of lost sight of things for a while, and I just feel like me again, and it's nice to be back.

Love is a crazy thing. I was thinking about you and I thought of how much I love you, but in such a different way now. I love you, but I don't want you for myself at all. I just want you to be happy and well. It's this unique, unselfish, friendly love I've never felt before. Best wishes to you, you deserve the best, and I'll always be right by your side. You're truly my best friend for life and I'm so glad you're in my life.

Idk why I've been having way to many thoughts lately, about everything. Life, the little things, family, friends. I think December just brings this kind of thing on. It's nice though, to sit and write these things down.

I quit smoking ciggarettes. Shit's bad for you, you know. Don't know why I ever started.

I feel so much better that I've written this all down.