.

I feel weird right now. I've been doing a lot of thinking. To be sure of myself is probably the one thing I want most. That's it. Everything negative I've ever thought of myself, every reason that holds me back stems from my own self doubt. I wish I could reach out and open up. I want so badly to be a part of what's in front of me, but I still feel incapable. I want to be more than just 'there'. I want so badly to be a part of things. And I feel stupid because everyone is letting me in, I think they even want me to be a part of it, but it's like an internal battle with myself to join. I'm so scared of being judged badly, ending things in bad notes, that I'd rather not open up at all. But I don't want to be like that anymore. I'm realizing this is how I've been for a long time now. I'm pretty sure almost none of my friends even know who I really truly am.

I can't keep shutting people out of my life anymore. My biggest fear is to be lonely. I realize this is all probably in my head, I wish I could break out of these walls I've built so high, that not even I can climb out of them. I feel trapped. I want this so bad, but I don't know if I can bring myself to do it.

I'm just scared.

The worst battles are the ones against yourself.