The past few days.

I feel really really bad for getting into an argument with my mom earlier today. Over something so trivial. I should be a lot more appreciative.

I actually knew what I was going today on my math test, no thanks to my teacher. It was all stuff that I remembered from last year.

Mr. Nunn heard me say that I hate his class today. He pretty much bitched at me and said "I don't care if you hate this class." If you didn't then why are you bitching at me.

I need to go to Saturday School tomorrow. It's fucking hard to go a full week of school AND saturday school. Eff that.

A very good friend of mine got hurt last night by some moronic guy who didn't know what he had. Why can't people see when they have someone so genuine in front of them? His loss.

Breaking Dawn is really good so far. It makes me want to write something of my own.

We're studying Dysfunctional Behavior in pyschology. Really interesting stuff.

I have the worst luck. I went to the post office yesterday, and they closed at 6:00. It was 6:03 when I got there. :/

Sometimes I don't know if this is how things are supposed to be.

puzzle pieces.

I feel really crunched on time, even though deadlines aren't even that close. I guess I'm just stressing I won't get shit done, like in the past. I guess this is a better alternative. At least I know in the end I'll get stuff done.

I'm finding that things I used to find interesting are actually quite boring now. Isn't that weird how that happens?

I've decided that writing is my calling. I want to pursue it. I've never really written anything big, but now that I think about it, writing is the only medium that I've felt comfortable with and could do without much effort.

I've also decided that I am going to go to Sac State. I think I kinda already knew I was gonna go there, but now I'm sure.

Saturday should be fun! I can't wait!

Top Ramen is really, really good.

Enthusiasm

I just sent in my application for Sacramento City College. I should be finishing up some financial aid stuff this week, then doing a little more. Then I guess it's just a matter of time til the Fall semester begins. I'm already counting down the days. I hate Tracy. I can't wait to leave!

I can't wait til this weekend. :D

Dreams.

For the past week or so, I've been dreaming of drowning. It's the craziest thing in the world. In my dreams, each sequence seems stretched out forever. I can feel the pressure over my head from the water. I can feel my lungs struggling for air. I feel completley disoriented. I always take the breath in my dreams, and once I do, everything becomes peaceful. And I wake up.

Latley, a lot more than usual, my dreams have been a little different than what I'm used to. They're not so much of the crazy impossible dreams I always have. These dreams are real life events that can actually happen to me. There's nothing 'unusual' about them, except that in the end I drown.


I found this on a website: To dream that you are drowning, signifies that you are overwhelmed by emotions or repressed issues that is coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts and therefore must proceed more cautiously and slowly. If you drown to death, then is refers to an emotional rebirth. If your survive the drowning, then a waking relationship or situation will ultimately survive the turmoil.

Hm.

superfluous.

My heart aches already. It's crazy how much you can miss a person. How much you can love a person. It's amazing. I've realized this weekend that this is what I really want. I can take the bad with the good. The good outweights the bad exponentially anyways.

Lately I keep saying that I'm going to quit smoking but I just can't. When it's there it just sounds to fun to pass up. Whatever. Not like I'm ruining my life or anything. It's fucking fun and I like it so suck it biitch. Haha :)

In other news, my dad has completley stopped shaving. I guess that's what happens when you don't have to go to work anymore. Not sure how that's gonna work out, but I have hope. I try not to stress out about it to much.

Last night was amazing. One of those nights I'm sure I'll replay in my head over and over.

I can't wait for senior activities!

My chin feels funny.

Love Day.

Valentines Day was prettyy awesome!

EJ picked me up around 5 and we drove to Dublin. The line for The Cheescake Factory was huge, all the way to Macy's. When we got to the desk the lady said it would be 35 min. just for a pager! So we went to Stoneridge and shopped around and then we came back for a pager, but they were all out! Super ridiculous. We probably weren't going to be seated til around 10 o clock. So we just went back to Stoneridge and bought stuff then decided to just go to Olive Garden in Tracy, since I didn't think the wait would be that long there. The wait was an hour long so we just hung out in EJ's car listening to music and eating chocolate. We finally got seated and we ate then went to back to EJ's house and watched Twilight.

I have the best boyfriend ever.

<3

Twilight Review.

Ok so, I just finished reading New Moon (the second book of the Twilight Series) and I have a lot to say about this here Twilight series. First, Twilight is an extremley addictive series that sucks you in and makes you want to read more and more, although, in essence, it is a literary piece of crap.

Stephanie Meyer seems to give the same type of humor and personality traits to many of the characters. Bella, Edward, and Jacob all seem to have the same kind of sarcasm. The characters also seem very 2 dimensional. Meaning, they're there just to be there. Henry Clearwater for example. His death is just placed in the book as a trap for other greater things. Nothing else is really explored about him, since the only importance he holds is his death. I would have like to have seen his relationship with Charlie and the others, since it affected them so badly. Meyer also uses the same vocabulary over and over again. It gets redundant and reminds you that you are just reading a book. And in all honesty, Bella is suchhh an idiot. How the hell can you spend like 8 months absoutley heartbroken and emotionally deceased? Yes I understand Edward is like God to her, but c'mon, doesn't she have any sense in her? And she actually goes back to him in the story, unquestioningly. Idiot! There are also some plot holes I've mulled over. First, since Edward thirsts for Bella's blood, like what happens when she's on her period? Wouldn't he like go bat crazy and like rape her and then devour her? And, this whole ordeal of turning her into a vampire. Since the main attraction between Edward and Bella is her blood, Bella will become 'bloodless' as a vampire, relinquishing Edward of his attraction to Bella. Then what happens? Huh?

But nonetheless, I've completley fallen for this series. The relationship Bella and Edward share is intense and everything a teenage girl like me would love reading about, since all of us dream of our redonkulously attractive Prince Charming rescuing us from a life of normality. Meyer does do a few things right. There are some really good highlights of the story where you can feel the emotions as you are reading them. This series really evokes emotions out of you like nothing I've read before. the first 2 books are a quintessential example of a simple read and a mesmerizing plotline.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-points of light and reason. . . . And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

Maybe it's just me.

I don't know why, but I feel like I'm just being lied to all the time. I also feel that this is all unfairly unbalanced. Maybe I just have a really fucked up perception of this. How horrible. Maybe I'm just being irrational.

But what if I'm right?

The ongoing search to find yourself.

This weekend I've realized a lot about myself that I should've known all along. Most of the things I've realized I hate. I hate that I rely on certain people or things to get me through the day. I hate that I hang out with people that I don't even really like. I hate that I'm pretty much viewed as a weak person. Don't mistake my modesty for being weak.

Ugh. All this makes me want to leave this stupid town even more. I'm so sick of everybody in this town. Some a whole lot more than others.

Some days are better, some are really bad. But in the end, I'm the person that decides how my day is going. I'll never let another person bring me down. Reliance is deadly.

I'm all about myself now. I'm my number one priority.

In the Library!

With Karen, Michael Leri and Ricky! Were in English finishing up some essays and me and Karen found some girls essay of how she supports child abuse! What in the wooorld :o

It's rainy today. No good.

No school monday!

Puffy eyes.

So yesterday I stayed home from school so I could finish my Econ project. Buuut, I ended up just hanging out with my mom and going shopping with her. So now I'm home again to try to finish it. It's nice, not going to school for 4 days. I hate school with a burning passion. I've pretty much given up any desire to go to a 4 year, just because I really don't think I'd want to keep up with school to much. Whatever.

I just finished reading Twilight, and I hate to say it, but I think I've become 'one of those' girls who is like completley obsessed with Twilight. It's such an amazing book! I love the intensity of Bella and Edward's relationship. It's cwazy! Me and EJ are gonna watch the movie when he's down. I wish he was here already so we can go watch it!

I really wish I didn't care so much about stuff. I don't like how I've become about this whole ordeal. I wish I could care less about everything, about you. It hinders me.