ideally

I would like to live somewhere completley unindustrialized. With no paved streets or streetlights. No malls, no brand names. I would like to live in a place where humans are actually connected to one another and work together. I would like to live where there is no alcohol or drugs, where recreation is defined by connection with the earth and people around me. I would love to live in luxury that isn't defined by monetary objects, but in contentness in yourself and your surroundings. I want to feel everything this world has to offer me, not the people. I would love to live where I can feel the sand underneath my feet and the sun shining on my skin.

I'd love to leave all the materials I have here for a place like this.

stuff and stuff.

Everything seems to be going back to normal. I can still see the dissapointment and awkwardness my parents have when I'm talking to them, but it'll get better.

EJ left yesterday. I won't seem him for three weeks. I took a few extra shifts at work. Anything to keep me busy.

So I found out that if I were to move to Sac, I'd have a guaranteed job over there.

To bad Sac isn't far enough from Tracy.

Back to school tomorrow. Yuck. Those ladies in the office can suck it.

Hm.

What a day.

I really didn't think a day like this would ever come. They found everything. The bag. The pipe. The lighter. I knew something was wrong yesterday when all my things were moved around. It might as well have been Heroin to them. I mean, yeah I know. A drug is a drug, but there's so many worse things out there than what I had.

They started crying, which made me cry. I've never seen my dad cry. Seriously, like never. He told me that he would do anything for me. He said he would even get a second job just to put me through college. He said he didn't want to see me throw my life away on something like this. And best of all, for the first time in probably a decade, he said he loved me. But he also said he was extremley dissapointed in me. He hated the fact the I would even entertain the thought of using that stuff. He was very soft about it, more dissapointed then mad.

On the other hand, my mom was absolutley outraged. She was so concered about her ass getting in trouble for it. She even said she didn't care that I do it, as long as I don't bring it in the house. She thought EJ gave it to me. Supposedly, someone told her he's a crackhead. But I think she's making these assumptions in her own head, like always.

I feel like the biggest dissapointment ever. But really, it's not even that bad. I am not addicted in any way. I have a 4.0, I've been having one since junior year. I have job that I've almost been working at for a year. I pay my phone bill and gym stuff every month. I surround myself with good company. I'm a fully functioning responsible teenager.

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with what I did, besides hurting my parents.

I just can't believe this happened.

thoughts.

Weekends always go way to fast. I always dread going back to school. Being stuck in a 4x4 listening to teachers drone on and on. Ughhh. I just keep telling myself 'one more semester. one more semester.'

This friday night was a lot of fun. It's pretty cool I got to go out, spend the night with EJ, and go to Saturday School the next day. I feel fufilled. Ha.

Notorious is a really, really, really good movie. I thought I wouldn't like it at all, but I wasn't bored at all during the whole movie. Weird, huh?

I'm listening to EJ's music player on his myspace right now. Why does he always show me really good music? It's awesome :D

Tomorrow I'll be passing out coupons for my work tomorrow for 2 hours in the dark. Lame. Someone should keep me company.

I think I might want to quit smoking. Maybe.

meeeep.

So today EJ had a little gig at Barista's. He did soo good X) I really think his music is amazing and I think it's awesome he got to play it for people. I'm proud of my behbeh :D

I've pretty much given up in my math class. What the hell is a "co-secent?" :(

I think I have a shopping addiction. No bueno. No bueno at all.

Back to school

sucks. =[


but other than that, everything's been real good. <3

yeah :D

End of the Year!

Christmas: I went over to my aunts house for Christmas. The Lakers vs Celtics game was on and I guess (from what my brother told me) the Celtics were on like a 19 game winning streak or something. To my surprise, I thought the game was interesting and I was really watching it. Lakers won and ended their streak. Woo Hoo? I'm sure I won't care much for basketball after that. As far as gifts go, I got a lot of money, 3 shirts, perfume, a watch, eye shadow, nail polish, Blow Pop Lip Balm, Victoria's Secret gift card (Thank you EJ :D) and Vans. Pretty cool right?

So the other night I got to spend the morning/night with EJ. It was soo nice to wake up to the boy I love laying right next to me. I didn't want to leave! I'm so in love with this boy.

Some good news, so I guess my dad is gonna have a job for a long time! I don't really know the story but I guess 52 of the stores are going to be supported, and his boss even told him to be ready for overtime! That is suuuuch a relief to me. I was stressing over it for such a long time.

So last night was New Year's Eve. Damn, I haven't drank in sooo long. I don't even really like drinking that much. I highly prefer smoking, which we also did. Anyways, everyone was so happy drunk and high, including me. I was actually talking a lot haha. Oh man, it was so much fun! Until I started puking at 5 in the morning. Oh well, it was worth it :D

My EJ was my new years kiss, and I wouldn't have it any other way. <3

Happy 2009! It's starting off really really really good!